Sorry to hear that relationships within your family are distressing for you. Christmas time is a danger zone where the politics of original relationships fall into a kind of playwhere people can become trapped into continuing to play out a role created many years in the past. for an emerging or growing personality it can be quite punishing.
I googled butoh. it seems quite rigorous. It looks like something one would have to be quite dedicated to learn its ways.
I have been a little bit lazy regarding my turtle commission. I’d rather have the freedom of paint. I do want to complete it before month’s end. I wish you peace on your journey – ray