L'articles dans: roues/politique/panique


26 mai 2020

la différence entre les deux enregistrements, à part le fait que le premier a déjà été publié ici, est qu’en écoutant le deuxième, je commence à rire.


10 may 2020

i acknowledge that

  • i am still carrying the SHOCK experienced on March 10 when i learnt that i would have to vacate my unit
  • i am ANGRY at the Toronto Fire Chief and Chief Building
  • i feel a more specific and higher dosage of systemic and political oppression at the moment and it is hard to find the right line of holding individuals ACCOUNTABLE without blaming them
  • i am BURNING OUT
  • it is increasingly more difficulty to access joy or let it manifest
  • i am near unable to sit down with the wheels i love to true as they remind me that i do not have a job right now and that it would be unrealistic to expect to find one plus to be able to sustain it as a bicycle mechanics right now
  • i am slowly drowning in the sense that i won’t be able to come out of the unknowns i experience about my home and my job right now.
  • it is my RESPONSIBILITY to not let myself fall into the terror of erasure, to not internalize the oppression and to generate the entitlement to exist and have a safe home that i have never experienced anywhere
  • i feel GRATEFULNESS towards all my neighbors, my friends, my art supporters, journalist Laurie Monsebraaten, Josh Barndt and late musician and ODSP recipient Justin Haynes
  • art could help here, but i am not one to use art as therapy. of course my drawings help me cope with the situation and soften the experience and opens me to slices of beauty, but in the end, the slices will disappear if (my) art can’t cut into the systemic crap. 

i have written a draft of a letter to the Fire Chief. it is not ready to be sent yet and maybe it will be transformed into another action. if you want to participate in any way in this action, please send an email to claudesudbury at gmail dot com


7 mai 2020

excusez-moi, j’ai activé mon anglais en premier et maintenant je n’ai plus la force de tout redire en français. c’est souvent le cas, je m’en rends compte.

 

recipe against internalizing oppression

accept that what you will write or draw will feel ugly

draw or write

for example, a repetition of « this is too much »

take one pen in left hand, one pen in right hand

close your eyes.

put marks on the paper as if making a very rough portrait of body locations that call your mind. these are usually areas of blocked energy. be as quick as possible with noticing changes from left to right. when you know what an area feels like, write it down with closed eyes. stop when you feel a slight release in your head.

turn the page of your notebook.

again, one pen in left, one pen in right hand.

alternatively draw lines that are all these possibilities in you that are blocked by your own judge or by new rules added or confusion or an overload of emotion. maybe you will know what narratives they tell. maybe not because the mind is too fast.

inevitably this will start shifting things and emotions will show up. e – motions will happen.

commit to feel that. this is what is behind the oppression.

it is extremely vulnerable life.

draw the lines that come out of that.

maybe extremely vulnerable big hands will suddenly show up.

draw them.

let the lines go up.

let them pierce 1% of your own trauma.

no need for more.

commit to the (minuscule) light when you see some near the lines.

stay for a fraction of a second.

let go.

let go.

feel the tiny bit of peace that comes.

rest.


 

 


30 avril 2020

voici le studio que je vais perdre d’ici au 31 juillet 2020.

Monsebraaten_April 29, 2020

there are a lot of things that the article does not say.

i do not know how much longer i will sustain the task to generate fast thinking, grace and resilience to continue the political fight for this building while facing the dread of an unaffordable market and oppressive rules that accompany to our relocation.

needless to say that i have no time for bicycle wheels or for looking for a job and that when i open up to beauty, i end up in a blanket of trauma.

maybe i will edit this later. i admit.


2 avril 2020

i did not pay my rent yesterday, but i live in a live/work studio and my lease is a commercial lease and this puts me at risk. my landlords want us out on May 10, 2020 (see eviction letter posted previously). it is a long, convoluted, time- and hope-consuming story.

the landlady is here right now, in her office, contemplating the absence of rent cheques and probably inventing a new offensive although she is a senior landlady with a lot of health worries for her husband on her shoulders and who said in the past that we were her « family ». she was a bit like an unpredictable aunt to me. this is typical Toronto gentrification with landlords we thought were atypical.

residential evictions are suspended because of the pandemic at the moment, but we do not know if commercial evictions are too and how they usually take place.

would it be better in Sudbury?


24 mars 2020

i am not safe when my safety is designed by somebody else.

especially if that person designs my safety in a way that makes them feel safe.

that imposed safety is a form of violence.

because of COVID-19 and the fact that i might loose my housing on June 30, 2020,

i feel closer to death.

i know i have to surrender to my intuition.

i try to release old trauma.

i try to release old habits.

i get rid of old material stuff.

i think of repressed desires for resolve.

before i die, i would like that Nick Torok and i acknowledge that we were not ready.

is that exactly what i want?

i try to accept change.

i understand safety in a different way.

and then,

i panic.

 

wind and arrows fill the space between my bones.

my skeleton extends even more out of balance.

no housing is not an option.

no community is not an option.

 

i work all my energy to save our housing.

i worry about getting sick.

i worry about safety procedures.

i worry about my parents in Switzerland.

 

and then, i discipline myself towards allowing myself to love a wheel:

 

sound of a new 27 inch wheel before balancing the tension of the spokes and truing the weel

 

same wheel during the truing process

 

next time it will be louder.

 


11 mars: terreur

Phone call with Danielle Tremblay, director of the Galerie du Nouvel Ontario, after the tenants in my building received a copy of a letter from the City ordering our evacuation from the building at the latest in 60 days, i.e. on May 10, 2020. The reason given is that the building is deemed unsafe.

Market rent in Toronto for a one bedroom: $2’200

My ODSP allowance: $1’169/month

video made by the tenants a few days after (i am the voice)

petition: your signature is still requested, please sign.

letters of support for us can be sent to Deputy Mayor Ana Bailão, who is our City Councillor and Chair of the Planning and Housing Committee. Deputy Mayor Bailão with whom we have met twice already to request help on our plan for a transfer of ownership to a non-profit should put our housing « safety » right at the centre and help us keep our homes and keep them affordable rather than evacuate us.  please send a copy of your letter to us at : [email protected]

 


si je n’arrive plus à me nourrir ou suis à l’hôpital

if i were to have the flu or coronavirus,

my brain tissues might get inflamed

and i know i might end up living in a parallel reality.

meditation is enough to avoid that scenario with colds,

but i will not have the strength to hold

if mixed in heavier symptoms and mucus.

if i end up not being able to feed myself at home or in a hospital,

i beg you to try to feed me food that

i can actually digest and benefit from.

if there is anything sacred, food is for me.

i am aware that what is below asks for a lot, so, please do what you can.

 

MY ROUTINE

BREAKFAST: red quinoa with 1 spoon of organic wheatgrass powder, probiotics, 4 drops of highly concentrated bee propolis, greens, radicchio, lettuce, parsley, lemon juice, olive oil, 1 or 2 walnuts, oregano; DRINK: water from boiled green kale with nettle, calendula flowers, elderflowers, everlasting flowers, ashwaganda powder, 5 shizandra dried berries

LUNCH: baked fish with nothing else on it than basil or dill and turmeric, steamed greens, beet, lettuce, tahini, avocado; same drink as in the morning when possible or HOT WATER

DINNER: patties made of a mix of cooked lentils/quinoa/curly kale/tiny bit of chickpea flower with steamed greens, raw beet slices, a bit of smoked salmon, walnuts, avocado; same drink as for breakfast

SNACKS: 90% Lindt chocolate in small bites all day, oranges, 1 to 2 spoons of VEGA one powder in the morning and in the afternoon, in water. when needed some of the VEGA Sports bar Mint/Chocolate but my gut does not like it so much.

 

ESSENTIALS

  • probiotics:

 

  • any of the following without salt or only with a bit of seawead
  • lot’s of fish baked in the oven, with nothing on it (really) or steamed or sushi-quality raw. the best fish for me is swordfish. then, come pickerel, haddock, salmon, rockfish and whitefish. perch is more or less ok. cod and tuna make me feel cold and unstable. lake trout fucks my digestive system up.

  • lot’s of avocadoes
  • red quinoa but not white quinoa
  • red and green lentils after the foam has been skimmed to avoid cramps
  • huge amounts of steamed green curly kale
  • lot’s of arugula
  • lot’s of steamed brocoli
  • beets
  • lemon juice, lemon flesh
  • oranges (3 per day)
  • organic 1st press olive oil, not cooked though, only raw
  • lettuce with lemon and olive oil only as dressing
  • nettle tea
  • turmeric
  • oregano, basil, thyme, dill
  • 90% Lindt chocolate (cheaper)
  • VEGA one natural powder, if possible the « unsweetened » one

MY LENTILS/QUINOA PATTIES

Rinse red lentils well. Add cold water and let them come to boil. Change the water to get rid of the foam. Add water again + green curly kale + rosemary + basil and just a bit of salt (yes, here ok) or some seaweed to add salt. Let that become mush. Let cool down.

Rinse red quinoa, add 2x water and boil until cooked.

Mix about 2/3 or the lentils preparation with 1/3 of the quinoa. Add a bit of chickpea flower, create patties. Warm up a frying pan without oil and then, put the patties on there. They are going to react to the heat and that will keep them in one piece. Turn them after a while. Let them there until you know, they look ready.

HEALTHY ADDITIONS

  • organic wheatgrass powder
  • cauliflower
  • calendula flowers
  • elder flowers
  • everlasting flowers
  • kale, arugula sprouts
  • Bosc or Anjou or Bartlett pears
  • chickweed
  • radicchio
  • parsley
  • organic walnuts: about 6 per day
  • unsweetened cranberries
  • ginger
  • organic dried apricots: about 3 per day
  • organic 88% camino chocolate
  • canola oil

WHAT I CAN EAT IN SMALL AMOUNTS

  • black kale in small amounts because i get diarrhea if too much
  • spinach in small amounts because my gut either goes into diarrhea or constipation with it
  • sushis made with « multigrain » rice, not white rice
  • chickpeas
  • buckwheat
  • tahini
  • tomatoes
  • VEGA Sport Protein Bar Mint/Chocolate in very small pieces

WHAT I CAN’T EAT (no life threatening allergies though)

  • gluten (wheat, spelt, oats)
  • starchy foods (potatoes, white rice, brown rice)
  • amaranth
  • white quinoa
  • red meat
  • dairy
  • almonds and other nuts than walnuts
  • peanuts
  • sunflower seeds and oil
  • alfalfa
  • brown lentils
  • sunflower oil
  • eggplant
  • apples

WHAT I MIGHT BE ABLE TO EAT

  • chicken
  • boiled egg

MEDICATIONS

  • please no ibuprofen, only Tylenol 3 if needed
  • very helpful home remedies: probiotics and bee propolis are essential; then, white tiger balm and melaleuca cajuputi oil for mind and chest congestion, camomile as tea or as in a bowl to steam my sinuses, marshmallow roots to calm gut inflammation or cramps, salt water to wash my nose, ashwaganda powder and shizandra berries (a few per day) to modulate stress, uva ursi tea and chanca piedra powder to help with clearing my kidneys and to help with body pain, corydalis cavea root powder if i have nerve pain.

28 février 2020

je suis soulagé car j’ai reçu le versement mensuel du POSPH malgré le fait que mon assistante sociale est absente jusqu’à nouvel avis et qu’aucun des deux autres assistants sociaux que j’ai essayé de contacter n’ont eu le temps de me rappeler.

j’ai reçu moins que ce que j’aurais dû recevoir, mais ça va aller.

POSPH = Programme ontarien de soutien aux personnes handicapées


26 février 2020

je parle français aussi, mais là les mots me viennent en anglais.

my shoulders and neck are burning with needle quick picking sensations. my mind is racing in fast disembodied associations. my head is hot. my bones are also my mind and that’s the case for all of us, but these bones of mine right now are vanishing. i know that if i do not take care of this, it will get worse. and that knowledge creates fear. fear of future. will i become homeless?

it is tricky to share this world because when i do, i participate in what ableist minds like to do with lives like mine. i share what makes my life interesting to the media, sometimes to academics or even advocates in their hunger to define my misery and possibly activate gestures from other hungry people who want to practice their acts of charity.

i want to be an equal.

i am in a swamp-space endlessly extended in directions out of the entitlement to exist and out of the belief that i will be able to come to Sudbury. for reasons i won’t share, traveling and committing to a predetermined schedule are hard although, in the deepest contradiction of the wild animal i am -and we all are wild animals-, structure and commitment are exactly what i need. i love deeply love when i can work at bikechain in Toronto. build a bike from used parts. step by step, gesture after gesture. one question. one answer. one tool. one gesture. one thought. did not work. try again. other tool? nice game. where is the wheel?

traveling and commitment require a starting point with a skeleton in one piece or more or less. i live with internalized and inherited mind forces and tissue memory, imagine them as from diverging and asynchronous times and directions, which are breaking my proprioception and kinesthetic experience of my skeleton. right now, i am not (fully) here. how could i come there?

i will need an annulation plan and a contingency plan.

we are equals.

nous sommes égaux.


roues/politique/panique : le projet mené par claude wittmann débute sur notre blogue

claude wittmann qui réside à Toronto nous guidera vers ce que l’art est pour lui durant le mois d’avril.

il mènera un atelier en collaboration avec Kevin Morgan de Bike Sudbury et leur but sera de centrer et réparer des roues de vélos appartenant au programme « Bike Exchange ». cet atelier sera ouvert à la participation de toute personne intéressée à apprendre et/ou à les aider. aucune expérience préalable ne sera nécessaire. le lieu et dates exactes de ce volet seront annoncées bientôt.

claude va aussi nous introduire à la mécanique qui joue dans les coulisses de ce projet: son handicap invisible, son besoin de plans de contingences spécifiques, son activisme pour améliorer la sécurité de revenu des récipients du Programme ontarien d’aide aux personnes handicapées (POSPH) et de Ontario au travail (OT). une partie de ces coulisses sont déjà activées sur notre blogue où claude partage pensées et sensations telles qu’il les vit au moment où il écrit.