je dois déménager bientôt et je distribue.
si vous m’envoyez votre adresse, je vous envoie ces deux livres.
la différence entre les deux enregistrements, à part le fait que le premier a déjà été publié ici, est qu’en écoutant le deuxième, je commence à rire.
claudesudbury at gmail dot com
i acknowledge that
i have written a draft of a letter to the Fire Chief. it is not ready to be sent yet and maybe it will be transformed into another action. if you want to participate in any way in this action, please send an email to claudesudbury at gmail dot com
excusez-moi, j’ai activé mon anglais en premier et maintenant je n’ai plus la force de tout redire en français. c’est souvent le cas, je m’en rends compte.
recipe against internalizing oppression
accept that what you will write or draw will feel ugly
draw or write
for example, a repetition of « this is too much »
take one pen in left hand, one pen in right hand
close your eyes.
put marks on the paper as if making a very rough portrait of body locations that call your mind. these are usually areas of blocked energy. be as quick as possible with noticing changes from left to right. when you know what an area feels like, write it down with closed eyes. stop when you feel a slight release in your head.
turn the page of your notebook.
again, one pen in left, one pen in right hand.
alternatively draw lines that are all these possibilities in you that are blocked by your own judge or by new rules added or confusion or an overload of emotion. maybe you will know what narratives they tell. maybe not because the mind is too fast.
inevitably this will start shifting things and emotions will show up. e – motions will happen.
commit to feel that. this is what is behind the oppression.
it is extremely vulnerable life.
draw the lines that come out of that.
maybe extremely vulnerable big hands will suddenly show up.
let the lines go up.
let them pierce 1% of your own trauma.
no need for more.
commit to the (minuscule) light when you see some near the lines.
stay for a fraction of a second.
feel the tiny bit of peace that comes.
voici le studio que je vais perdre d’ici au 31 juillet 2020.
there are a lot of things that the article does not say.
i do not know how much longer i will sustain the task to generate fast thinking, grace and resilience to continue the political fight for this building while facing the dread of an unaffordable market and oppressive rules that accompany to our relocation.
needless to say that i have no time for bicycle wheels or for looking for a job and that when i open up to beauty, i end up in a blanket of trauma.
maybe i will edit this later. i admit.
Merci à ces deux artistes qui m’ont envoyé un courriel.
Ai-je la capacité de la recevoir en ce moment?
je m’autorise le temps d’écrire quelques lignes.
j’aimerais juste savoir si mes mots sont reçus par un être humain quelque part.
svp, écrivez-moi un mot si vous avez lu ces lignes.
clowittmann at gmail dot com
i did not pay my rent yesterday, but i live in a live/work studio and my lease is a commercial lease and this puts me at risk. my landlords want us out on May 10, 2020 (see eviction letter posted previously). it is a long, convoluted, time- and hope-consuming story.
the landlady is here right now, in her office, contemplating the absence of rent cheques and probably inventing a new offensive although she is a senior landlady with a lot of health worries for her husband on her shoulders and who said in the past that we were her « family ». she was a bit like an unpredictable aunt to me. this is typical Toronto gentrification with landlords we thought were atypical.
residential evictions are suspended because of the pandemic at the moment, but we do not know if commercial evictions are too and how they usually take place.
would it be better in Sudbury?
i am not safe when my safety is designed by somebody else.
especially if that person designs my safety in a way that makes them feel safe.
that imposed safety is a form of violence.
because of COVID-19 and the fact that i might loose my housing on June 30, 2020,
i feel closer to death.
i know i have to surrender to my intuition.
i try to release old trauma.
i try to release old habits.
i get rid of old material stuff.
i think of repressed desires for resolve.
before i die, i would like that Nick Torok and i acknowledge that we were not ready.
is that exactly what i want?
i try to accept change.
i understand safety in a different way.
wind and arrows fill the space between my bones.
my skeleton extends even more out of balance.
no housing is not an option.
no community is not an option.
i work all my energy to save our housing.
i worry about getting sick.
i worry about safety procedures.
i worry about my parents in Switzerland.
and then, i discipline myself towards allowing myself to love a wheel:
sound of a new 27 inch wheel before balancing the tension of the spokes and truing the weel
same wheel during the truing process
next time it will be louder.
Phone call with Danielle Tremblay, director of the Galerie du Nouvel Ontario, after the tenants in my building received a copy of a letter from the City ordering our evacuation from the building at the latest in 60 days, i.e. on May 10, 2020. The reason given is that the building is deemed unsafe.
Market rent in Toronto for a one bedroom: $2’200
My ODSP allowance: $1’169/month
video made by the tenants a few days after (i am the voice)
petition: your signature is still requested, please sign.
letters of support for us can be sent to Deputy Mayor Ana Bailão, who is our City Councillor and Chair of the Planning and Housing Committee. Deputy Mayor Bailão with whom we have met twice already to request help on our plan for a transfer of ownership to a non-profit should put our housing « safety » right at the centre and help us keep our homes and keep them affordable rather than evacuate us. please send a copy of your letter to us at : [email protected]
if i were to have the flu or coronavirus,
my brain tissues might get inflamed
and i know i might end up living in a parallel reality.
meditation is enough to avoid that scenario with colds,
but i will not have the strength to hold
if mixed in heavier symptoms and mucus.
if i end up not being able to feed myself at home or in a hospital,
i beg you to try to feed me food that
i can actually digest and benefit from.
if there is anything sacred, food is for me.
i am aware that what is below asks for a lot, so, please do what you can.
BREAKFAST: red quinoa with 1 spoon of organic wheatgrass powder, probiotics, 4 drops of highly concentrated bee propolis, greens, radicchio, lettuce, parsley, lemon juice, olive oil, 1 or 2 walnuts, oregano; DRINK: water from boiled green kale with nettle, calendula flowers, elderflowers, everlasting flowers, ashwaganda powder, 5 shizandra dried berries
LUNCH: baked fish with nothing else on it than basil or dill and turmeric, steamed greens, beet, lettuce, tahini, avocado; same drink as in the morning when possible or HOT WATER
DINNER: patties made of a mix of cooked lentils/quinoa/curly kale/tiny bit of chickpea flower with steamed greens, raw beet slices, a bit of smoked salmon, walnuts, avocado; same drink as for breakfast
SNACKS: 90% Lindt chocolate in small bites all day, oranges, 1 to 2 spoons of VEGA one powder in the morning and in the afternoon, in water. when needed some of the VEGA Sports bar Mint/Chocolate but my gut does not like it so much.
MY LENTILS/QUINOA PATTIES
Rinse red lentils well. Add cold water and let them come to boil. Change the water to get rid of the foam. Add water again + green curly kale + rosemary + basil and just a bit of salt (yes, here ok) or some seaweed to add salt. Let that become mush. Let cool down.
Rinse red quinoa, add 2x water and boil until cooked.
Mix about 2/3 or the lentils preparation with 1/3 of the quinoa. Add a bit of chickpea flower, create patties. Warm up a frying pan without oil and then, put the patties on there. They are going to react to the heat and that will keep them in one piece. Turn them after a while. Let them there until you know, they look ready.
WHAT I CAN EAT IN SMALL AMOUNTS
WHAT I CAN’T EAT (no life threatening allergies though)
WHAT I MIGHT BE ABLE TO EAT
je suis soulagé car j’ai reçu le versement mensuel du POSPH malgré le fait que mon assistante sociale est absente jusqu’à nouvel avis et qu’aucun des deux autres assistants sociaux que j’ai essayé de contacter n’ont eu le temps de me rappeler.
j’ai reçu moins que ce que j’aurais dû recevoir, mais ça va aller.
POSPH = Programme ontarien de soutien aux personnes handicapées
je parle français aussi, mais là les mots me viennent en anglais.
my shoulders and neck are burning with needle quick picking sensations. my mind is racing in fast disembodied associations. my head is hot. my bones are also my mind and that’s the case for all of us, but these bones of mine right now are vanishing. i know that if i do not take care of this, it will get worse. and that knowledge creates fear. fear of future. will i become homeless?
it is tricky to share this world because when i do, i participate in what ableist minds like to do with lives like mine. i share what makes my life interesting to the media, sometimes to academics or even advocates in their hunger to define my misery and possibly activate gestures from other hungry people who want to practice their acts of charity.
i want to be an equal.
i am in a swamp-space endlessly extended in directions out of the entitlement to exist and out of the belief that i will be able to come to Sudbury. for reasons i won’t share, traveling and committing to a predetermined schedule are hard although, in the deepest contradiction of the wild animal i am -and we all are wild animals-, structure and commitment are exactly what i need. i love deeply love when i can work at bikechain in Toronto. build a bike from used parts. step by step, gesture after gesture. one question. one answer. one tool. one gesture. one thought. did not work. try again. other tool? nice game. where is the wheel?
traveling and commitment require a starting point with a skeleton in one piece or more or less. i live with internalized and inherited mind forces and tissue memory, imagine them as from diverging and asynchronous times and directions, which are breaking my proprioception and kinesthetic experience of my skeleton. right now, i am not (fully) here. how could i come there?
i will need an annulation plan and a contingency plan.
we are equals.
nous sommes égaux.
claude wittmann qui réside à Toronto nous guidera vers ce que l’art est pour lui durant le mois d’avril.
il mènera un atelier en collaboration avec Kevin Morgan de Bike Sudbury et leur but sera de centrer et réparer des roues de vélos appartenant au programme « Bike Exchange ». cet atelier sera ouvert à la participation de toute personne intéressée à apprendre et/ou à les aider. aucune expérience préalable ne sera nécessaire. le lieu et dates exactes de ce volet seront annoncées bientôt.
claude va aussi nous introduire à la mécanique qui joue dans les coulisses de ce projet: son handicap invisible, son besoin de plans de contingences spécifiques, son activisme pour améliorer la sécurité de revenu des récipients du Programme ontarien d’aide aux personnes handicapées (POSPH) et de Ontario au travail (OT). une partie de ces coulisses sont déjà activées sur notre blogue où claude partage pensées et sensations telles qu’il les vit au moment où il écrit.